Saturday, March 7, 2009

"Guys, I do this all the time!"

I know quite a few interesting people. Interesting as in, quirky, different, just plain weird, or simply amusing. (Having been a tournament chess player for several years, you tend to run into interesting people rather frequently. But the chess world's quirkiness is a story in and of itself.) But the one interesting person who has done the most amusing things over the course of his lifetime (a whole 15 years!), is my younger brother, Guitar Player Boy.

(Hopefully because this blog is rather anonymous about identities, he won't feel the need to kill me when he discovers I've mentioned any of this.)

Guitar Player Boy did a lot of strange and embarrassing things in his youth. When he was 3 years old he wandered out of the house and was found by our mother walking in circles in the middle of the street. He liked to take refuge under the side table that was in the hallway. He had the misfortune of having his pants literally torn off by the family dog on New Year's day one year.

But it wasn't so much the thing that Guitar Player Boy did as it was the things that he said. (Or says, in some cases!) When he was just a little pre-schooler, he was (and still is) a very sociable person. (He would even make friends with random kids in the McDonald's play place.) But this also meant that he would talk to anyone. About anything that came to mind.

For instance, there was an old Asian man at the grocery store, who happened to have rather bad teeth. Guitar Player Boy sat in the front seat of the cart while our mom was checking out and kept saying, "Look at his teeth!" and gesturing to his own teeth to explain the difference. Fortunately for this case, Guitar Player Boy had a bit of a speech impediment, so he wasn't always completely understandable. The Asian man knew better, though. "Are you making fun of me?" he asked in his accented English.

My mom smiled, said "No, no!" and quickly moved along.

Along the same line, poor pre-school-age Guitar Player Boy was sent to time-out when he tried doing a Darth Vader impersonation for his teacher. Between the obviously less-than-pleasant dialogue of the sith lord and the slightly studdered speech, the teacher reasonably thought that he was talking back to her, and made sure to mention this to our mother.

Another instance would be when Guitar Player Boy and my mom were at the post office. There was a worker there emptying a bin of mail, and Guitar Player Boy casually blurted out, "Are you a child snatcher??" Needless to say, this question did not get a response from the man other than an incredulous glance at my mom, and to quickly finish his job and move on.

And then who could forget the time when we were wandering through a little strip mall that was cutely set up with awnings over each store, and a little cafe where people were eating lunch out on the patio. There was pleasant music playing over the loudspeakers. Guitar Player Boy broke this silence with the infamous exclamation, "What are we, in London or something??"

Guitar Player Boy loved Eyewitness books and videos on nearly any subject, but his favorite was "Eyewitness Shark." He watched this half-hour video so many times that he'd memorized the dialogue (as he had with many other movies and television programs.) He'd spout off direct quotes such as, "The Cookie-Cutter Shark takes cookie-cutter sized chunks out of its prey, and can cut clean through a turtle's shell."

Guitar Player Boy still has a curious way of remembering important events in his life. He does this by recalling what drink he had that day. "That was the tournament when I had that Diet Pepsi." "Oh yeah, I had a Mr. Pibb that day!" "Was that the one where I got that Cheerwine?"

I'll finish up this entry with a more recent Guitar Player Boy moment. A few years back, we were practicing our martial arts with a few others after class one day. Random Knowledge Boy decided to try out some rope techniques that he had been practicing. Guitar Player Boy grabbed a jump rope and declared that he was going to try it as well. When asked whether he knew how to do it, his confident reply was, "Guys, I do this all the time!"

What followed wasn't so much as a rope trick or technique so much as it was three slaps of the jump rope across his thighs. While he was less than pleased with his performance, everyone else definitely found it amusing in its own right.

And although Guitar Player Boy has grown up a lot, and perhaps while it isn't currently the best phrase to describe these embarrassing moments, I do believe it fits for when we were growing up: "I do this all the time!" definitely sums up the embarrassing and memorable moments of Guitar Player Boy.

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